If you are in your 20s, you’ve probably had your heart broken at least once.
Whether it was due to someone who crushed your heart after a romantic episode, a long-term relationship gone awry, or simply someone who fooled around with your feelings. Some of us have been on both sides of the playing field, hurting and being hurt, the latter always stinging the most.
We can’t deny those fluttering feelings when we first start speaking and hanging out with someone who tickles our fancy (it’s an old term- get your mind out of the gutter!), and whether things unravel in the best or worst way, those few priceless moments of pure bliss are practically the sweetest candy we can ever taste.
Why Is Something Casual So Complicated?
Being 20, the giddy feelings are still similar to the butterflies I felt in middle school and high school, but perhaps intensified. Relationships, however, are so much more complicated when you are in college or working to establish yourself. How so? Because we can’t simultaneously give our all into perfecting ourselves while also maintaining a healthy and stable love life.
So what do us college folk do in such a crisis? We hook up, keep it casual, and send worry to the wind. But alas, another set of problems has arisen! Amidst the seemingly platonic casualness of the scenario, we fail to realize that a man’s brain and woman’s brain are generally not the same when it comes to friendly “fun.”
Plenty of men are wired to want one thing, while many women are wired to want many things on many levels. Sometimes, depending on the people involved, handling the situation is as easy as simply talking it out. Discuss casually with the person you are seeing what you both want from each other, and make sure you are on the same page. However, like I said before, most female brains do not function the same as a male’s, and you may soon find your boiling point when you discover something you subconsciously feared.
How To Carefully Handle People’s Feelings
It may sound incredibly cliché, but it is so important to treat others how you would like to be treated yourself. This doesn’t mean saying yes to everyone’s advances because you feel sorry for them, but simply regarding their feelings as important and treating them with caution. There have been times I have been accused of leading someone on myself, while in my head I am being nice and friendly. So where do we draw the line? In every situation I would best suggest to empathize with the other person. How would you like to be treated yourself? If given the choice, I would rather be turned down gently than strung along.
For The Gals: Scum Bag or Just Your Typical Dude?
Why did he hook up with another girl when he was seeing you as well? Well, my dear friend, it’s because he more than likely has no sense of attachment to you and cannot resist the allure of another attractive female. In the meantime, you are racking your brain wondering what you did wrong or how you can correct yourself to fit his standards.
If there is one thing I have learned, it is that no relationship is worth it if you have to constantly question the other person’s commitment or feelings toward you. And if you are left feeling insecure and anxious, chances are you have caught feelings for someone who does not and will not return the favor.
From experience and the many stories I have heard from my girlfriends, the most important thing to remember is to not lose yourself in a fling and to constantly remember to treat yourself with respect. Step out of the box and look at the situation from a third party perspective. Only then will you see the bigger picture.
A few tips for your heart:
-Be honest with yourself about the situation or you will end up being hurt.
-Remain wary of the classic flip-flopping, hot and cold guys.
-Preserve your dignity and internal confidence by guarding your heart and maintaining your focus when it comes to what really matters.
When the right guy comes around, you won’t have to spend your time worrying or questioning his feelings about you, because he will ensure you that you are his one and only.
Best of luck in all of your relationship endeavors!
photo credit: bhmpics